Life in the Land of Dreamy Dreams

So, I can hear you wondering, with parades, escaping birds and the other myriad bits of nonsense going on, do you ever get any work done?

 YES, nosy-pants, I actually do. ThatVixen is up to almost 2,500 products, thank you very much, and it has been most educational.

I have to say that my new venture has resulted in many interesting conversations and showing off of catalogs over drinks. For this alone it’s been well worth it.

 The flip side of this is my daughter. I choose people I’m pretty sure will find it more amusing than horrifying. Alison, however, has been dropping comments at school for the shock factor- this is about the swinger’s club I deliver to- she doesn’t even know about the site yet.

Understand that she goes to a tony, private all-girl school where the always perfectly made up moms in tennis whites already wonder why this kid’s maid is always dropping her off. I can just imagine what they think now.

And I have to admit that it makes me snicker just a little bit…even though I’d really prefer Alison keep it to herself.

I thought I’d bring you a few highlights after the jump. It’s mildly NSFW, and certainly NSFDC (Not safe for delicate constitutions), so consider yourself warned.

Some of the products are kind of inexplicable- why on earth would people pay for this? Doesn’t it seem like a little too much work, a little too much hardware? Let’s not even discuss cleaning things up afterward…

But, oh boy, they do have fun with the names. For instance…

The Gushy Tushy, whose description is:

Liquid filled masturbator slides up and down for a realistic feel. Includes free sample of lube.

Realistic feel? Uh, honeybunch, if you consider a bunch of liquid sloshing around to be ‘natural,’ you might wanna see a doc.

Actually, there’s a whole world of supposedly realistic male masterbatory accessories. Maybe it’s sexist, but I had assumed that it was a fairly simple process for guys.

Apparently I was uninformed. I give you “Crystal’s Salsa Shaker:”

This latina is shaking with her sumptuous soft touch ultra-soft beautifully detailed butt with ribbed sleeve. Includes spanish and english translations.

Translations? Wow! Must be pretty hightech stuff!

All of these pale to the false advertising that is the full on sex doll. Other than obviously joke ones I’d never seen one before.

The boxes are damn impressive. Take this one:

Wow, right? I mean…you know…he’s stacked. Sure, he’s vinyl and all, but you’ve gotta wonder if you’re tough enough to handle the “super hung black stud with realistic vibrating penis.”

The only problem with this is that the photo size is pretty small- too small for people to get a good luck at those lucious goods before they shell out $60.00, right?

So I did a search to see who else might have a larger photo of the hunk.  Talk about disappointing. Here’s the “stud” all blown up:

Okay, somebody’s just not trying here. Couldn’t they at least make the “super hung” part of the stud the same color as the rest of him? The arms look bizarre, but I suppose that’s the effect of his massive muscles. And does he have lipstick on?

So, yeah. Educational. Fun, even.

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