Posts Tagged ‘awful’

This is just…uh…
just…
wow.

We just came out of a bitch of a Legislative session. I won’t go into the hairy details, but it was painful, drawn out, and exhausting. Which, I suppose, makes this performance a perfect representation:

(Youtube vid here)

I had to track this down after it was mentioned by the Times-Pic’s Capital bureau chief in a post-session wrap up live chat:

Q: [Comment From Jk]
Why was Hurricane Chris allowed to perform a rap song in the well of the House? Don’t they have anything better to do?

A:in truth a lot of songs are sung at the House podium, lot of performers come by ….it was really nothing that new…Cajun and country music — and patriotic songs… tend to be the norm.

I read that and snickered, figuring it was just some yokel offended by rap in those hallowed halls. But no, it was horrendous on too many levels to be real. Still, I wasn’t quite sure I trusted my ears, so I went and looked up the lyrics.

Classy, y’all:

She fine den a bitch ass and her tits
Thick in tha hips every nig want her
Call her Halle Berry, Halle Berry
Halle Berry, Halle Berry
She walkin like a model
Hands on your knees
Scrub the ground
She aint nothing but a tease
Halle Berry, Halle Berry
Halle Berry, Halle Berry

So, once again, we look like morons. The one upside is that I know Piyush had a heart attack over this, which makes the national scorn almost worth it…

I’m a little grossed out right now. Amused also, but…the gross-iosity is currently winning the battle for overall emotion.

It all started with a stupid joke post called Torturing the Animals, which, for the record, was about annoying the dogs with a silly Mardi Gras hat.

However.

It seems some search engine has taken the title at face value, and now I’m getting some pretty f’ed up search terms. Things became exponentially nastier once I added in Alison’s prom. I wanted to write this post to make a big joke about how no matter how bizarre (and/or illegal) your predilections, the web will serve something up for you and make you feel normal.

Only once I started this post I realized I can’t list the search phrases, since including them in here will just reinforce Google & co’s algorithms.

So, to give you an idea of the kind of weirdo we’re suddenly keeping company with, let’s play a little mad-lib, shall we?

A typical phrase goes something like this:

(racial epithet)(violent verb)(intimate female body part) Exciting bonus points: (age specificity)

(large animal)(explicit verb, present tense) Exciting bonus points: (excrement (seriously))

(age specificity)(state of extreme inebriation)(High school dance of the sort my daughter didn’t actually have) (explicit verb, present tense)

(adolescent)(drug often slipped into an unsuspecting target’s drink to render them…pliable)Exciting bonus points: (family member)

(strangely specific body part description)(adjective)(violent fetish) Scary bonus points: (ways to end a person’s life)

I used actual searches that have appeared multiple times, in multiple ways- but what amazes me is that this is all internal data. That means that these people got to the site, looked around and said to themselves “I bet they’ve cleverly hidden the really good stuff away. I’ll check!”

If you’re one of those people, please do me a favor: (colorful verb, present tense) off. Thank you.