Posts Tagged ‘beads’

Okay, let’s just get it out on the table, shall we? I have clown issues. Serious, serious clown issues. They make my skin crawl with their exaggerated mouths with leering false smiles and too many teeth and scary alcoholic noses…and…yeah. Pretty much all of it, really.

Yet I haven’t really bothered trying to overcome this phobia as it’s not a daily problem since you don’t often run into roving gangs of clowns accosting you on the street.

So, sure, there was a false sense of security right up until I was innocently having fun at Mardi Gras and found this flung my way:

When I saw this, I had an immediate PTSD flashback to being a kid and sneaking onto HBO latenight to watch Poltergeist I & II, neither of which helped one bit with these phobias.

The whole clown scene in the first movie was bad enough, but the entire second movie…that preacher dude is by far the creepiest villain with inadvertent clownface ever. I tried to find a video of him doing his little sing-song, but lucky for both of us I couldn’t find it. Here’s the trailer instead.:

Ironically, watching the youtube clips I found, I definately came to understand that Poltergeist II was a terrible movie, despite the fact that it seems to be burned in my brain.

No, actually, I realize that’s wrong- only Mr. BigTeethPreacherMolesterClown lives on* in my head, which will probably serve up a really nasty dream starring him tonight.

:::shiver::: Clowns. Those bastards.

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*whose backstory I still remember- he was a doomsday preacher who led his flock into a cave where they starved to death when the world inconveniently failed to end in a timely fashion. Sad, isn’t it?

Sorry, couldn’t resist.

Pratchett stole a Saints clapper and went to town on it pre-game on Sunday. I can’t say he gives a damn about football, but he’s a big fan of anything that makes noise. After the Herculean task of hauling the thing up to his veranda, he got pissy. He thought it worked like a bell and when he couldn’t get it to work he decided to break it instead.

Still. How ’bout dem 6-0 Saints!?

They’re well known for breaking our hearts, but the feeling around here is optimistic. Half the city’s hoarse from screaming on Sunday, and it’s only going to get more intense.

Okay, not so much inappropriate as bizarre.

Multicolored musical notes and over sized wings aside, he does look pretty nervous, no? Like he suspects somebody’s about to pluck him unless he can manage to run away on his weird tiger stripped legs?

I only remembered about this guy when Chris sent me this video the other day:
(link here)

The guy coming in at 1:46 looks like he’s trying his damnedest to make the Chicken Dance, staple of weddings everywhere, look cool. And coming pretty close to succeeding, too.

(And on the off chance you’ve lived a sheltered life and haven’t been exposed to this attrocity, you can check it out here. )

I’ve been getting down to the end of the business stuff, and I found a big ol’ bag of inappropriate beads we’d collected but never actually showcased. Time to clear them out, so I’m going to start photographing the ones I hadn’t already done and putting them up online.

And aren’t these ladies a classy pair? I wonder if they’re meant to symbolize anything? They’re so subtle, it’s hard to say…

If I had to choose, though, I’d say goldie on the left is my favorite. Crime fighting hooker. Haven’t seen that one since:

YouTube Link here:

You know, I think the plastic bead girls could act just as well.

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Maybe we’ll even start having a contest to get rid of all these, because I found out I’m a wimp- I hate throwing them out to the crowd at Mardi Gras.

Alison was confused when she was 10 or 11 and caught a naked lady bead. I’ll never forget the look on her face as she held the stripper immortalized in plastic up for my inspection.

“Why did he think this would be a good bead for me, Mommy?”

Yikes. So I guess I’ll have to find another way of disposal. Let me know if anybody’s interested…

Life in NOLA contains many wonderful things, but the roaches ain’t one of ‘em.

We’ve got great big 4 inch suckers that fly, and they’re out and about now. Trust me, you haven’t lived until the bug you’re approaching with a rolled up newspaper flies at your face and you run off screaming like a loon. Good times.

So what else is there to do but celebrate this lovely local problem with its own bead? I want to jump in the shower just looking at these. But clearly somebody put some thought into them- even the beads in between the roaches are…skeevy.

I generally sort of roll my eyes at beads that feature breasts in their various forms. They’re often rather anime-ish- a sort of cartoon stripper taken unawares by her state.

But these. What to say about these? More than the item itself, I love the box. I give you “The Breast ball with I Love You Sound- Squeezable mimi<sic> ball:”

It’s a stress ball, basically. But the person who needs this added little tip is definately under far too much stress: Read the rest of this entry »

I’ll be honest with you- I have cop issues. Other than my Catholic upbringing, there’s no reason for me to look at that uniform and expect him to randomly drag me off to jail. Maybe it’s some sort of Priest-transference thing, I don’t know.

So maybe I’m the wrong person to ask about these, but- ug. Closeups after the jump.

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First off, he’s clearly gay.

Second, even HE is rolling his eyes and grimacing at the spectacle.

But I vow to do better- I have to, if I’m gonna get them all in before Mardi Gras day.

To do that, I’m going to combine a couple of similar beads- into themes, if you will.

So today’s theme is…uh…amorous pigs. The funny thing is that these are from two different places, though the piggies seem awfully similar. By far my favorite part is the folded down ear of the ‘bottom.’ Read the rest of this entry »

When I saw this one, I knew it had to go in the Collection. It’s so bizarre…

The breasts look like pimples that need popping or something. Turned upside down it almost makes more sense- they look like excited eyes, maybe.

Click to see the offense- marginally NSFW
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