And what is it about all these fecal-based products lately, anyway? I suppose it’s fitting that we’re crapping out* these stupid products in our disposable society.

A few gems from their FAQ:

Dog feel not respected when wearing “PooTrap”?
Babies wear diapers and they are truly loved by their parents, hence same applied to the dogs owners who use our “PooTrap” actually truly love their dogs.

I would rather like to pick up poop by myself?
People invented many useful technologies to make people’s life easier. All these inventions (car is among one of them) are to make people’s life more convenient. With our “PooTrap”, no need to worry that dogs will cause environment pollution, and as dogs owners may know, actually it’s difficult to pick up poop.

Why my dog seem not able to get used to “PooTrap”?
In many ways dog is like human being! It’s like when first time people use camera to take photos, for sure it seems weird but nowadays many people around the world are using cameras for taking photos. Same as our “PooTrap”, the first time dogs start to use it might also feel weird and uncomfortable, however, with some insistence that dogs will surely be used to it. And after people start to use “PooTrap” on their dogs for a while, whenever the dogs poop with it, they would come happily in front of their owners to ask them to take the PooBag out of “PooTrap”. Dogs are really smart, aren’t they?

Yes, dogs are really smart. They know to be ashamed (or at least ‘not respected’) when some moron human straps a big ol’ bag on its butt. I mean, really. It took about 1 day of having a dog to figure out the hand-inside-the-bag quick n’ easy method of poop removal. And let’s be honest here- if you’re one of the people who are just too lazy and selfish to cart a bag around with you and just leave your crap bombs on the sidewalk, then you’re not bloody likely to deal with this thing, are you?

Especially since this is another of the FAQs:

Why it’s not as easy as your instruction video to put the “PooTrap” on my dog?

And this is just one bunch of 3. Many many dozens of bananas this year…guess we’ll have to make cream pies and invite everybody over?

In Mayor Kilpatrick’s state of the city address:

DETROIT — Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick lashed out at his opponents and the news media at the end of his 70-minute State of the City Address on Tuesday. He accused them of creating a “lynch mob mentality” in the scandal over his exchange of sexually explicit text messages with a former top aide.

He said he could not leave the auditorium with his wife and son sitting there without addressing the media storm that has followed his administration.

Detroit broadcasters, the mayor implied, are putting their own quest for ratings ahead of his family’s safety with their intense coverage of the scandal.

“I have to say this because it’s very personal to me,” Kilpatrick said. “I don’t believe that a Nielsen rating is worth the life of my children or your children”

You might remember that he’s in trouble not so much for having an affair but for costing the city millions in a whistleblower scandal. Nagin hasn’t sunk quite that deep, but just last month there was a big whoop-de-doo about his schedule and the man just has no internal appropriateness of scale sensor.

Exerpt from an interview with a local news channel who FOIAed his previous year’s schedule because…well…those of us who live here would like to know where the hell the man is. He doesn’t seem to be out and about except when he’s raising campaign funds for some unannounced future ambition. (emphasis mine)

oh, btw- I’m not sure how the Ayrians come into it, since the police chief is also black.

Nagin: My disappointment is the way some in the media are handling me personally ? Our local newspaper, for example, had me pointing a gun at the police chief. This got all over the Internet, all over the nation, and is now sitting on the most racist websites in America. Hate groups now have that picture, so now I am personally more at risk and my family is personally more at risk.

And I?m a little upset with this station cause you advertising about the ratings, about what?s getting ready to happen with my schedule, you put my personal schedule out there, I am coming back to the station and me and your news director are going to be outside in the parking lot having a good one on one. You do not put my family at risk.

Eric Paulsen: This was a schedule from last year, though.

Nagin: I don?t care. That schedule has formal stuff on it. It has patterns on it and now you have these Aryan race people focused on me and we’ve got some mental cases out in this community and you?re getting ready to put my schedule out there. Where are the other elected official?s schedule? Are you going to do a follow up on that? This has gone beyond the point of reasonableness. … I am sick of this.

The punchline to all of this is that the National Conference of Black Mayors was supposed to have their convention in Detroit, but instead decided to move it here, because our guy is so much better than theirs.

Anyway, here’s my absolute favorite part of Nagin’s rant:

And somebody approach me wrong, I?m going to coldcock ?em. That?s the bottom line. You can come with that foolishness if you want, but you?re going to see a side of Ray Nagin that you haven?t seen.

In case you’d like to see Mr. Chocolate City really fired up, here’s a link to the video.

And here’s commentary on his oh so daunting schedule.

What happened was pure Holiday Hubris. Apparently, I was due for a karmic slapdown.

I was soooo smug. I was so sure. This was gonna be an easy year. Ali was getting cash. I’d arranged it so I wasn’t exchanging with many people. I’d held firm about not doing the annual cookie orgy where I spend days making 18 different kinds and packing them up for dozens of people. Hell, I’m not even going up to NYC for the holiday.

I had it made.

…oh, wait. What’s this, Alison? An ELEVEN PAGE Christmas list? With photos? Of clothes from online merchants who won’t possibly be able to get them here on time?

What’s that you say? That you really really REALLY need at least some of this stuff? And that for the first time since you were little you’re really looking forward to opening boxes and surprises instead of gift-cards?

And you promised you’d bring cookies, too? And everyone’s gone on and on about how much they look forward to you bringing them in? Even the principal? A tradition. Right.

Of course I’ll edit your exam essays until 1am so you can get some rest for the actual tests! And bake. And help you get ready to leave for your father’s on Friday.

Oh, that’s right, you’re leaving in a few days! And there’s that boy over by your Dad, the one you claim to not really like like, but you still want your hair, eyebrows, and nails done, and uh…you want your eyelashes tinted?? And these things have to happen in how many separate salons?

So. I’ve got 4 days to do a season’s worth of shopping, wrapping, etc.

But there is an upside to tramping through store after store…I made a little secret purchase today. I bought brand new tee-shirt style sheets for the bed- I love those more than any exorbitant thread count- and some books. And Saturday I’m going to have my own little quiet recovery party.

Okay, I guess there are really two upsides. Crazy as this all is, at least the kiddo still needs her mom to do all this stuff. Won’t be many more Christmases where that’s the case. So I’ll just have to swallow hard, make the sleep up later, and get it all done. That’s what moms do, after all.

But once she’s gone, Santa can skip the eggnog, I’m diving right into the wine bottle.

Happy Holidays, y’all, hope you’ve found your own snuggly something to help you recover!