Posts Tagged ‘Mardi Gras’

Okay, let’s just get it out on the table, shall we? I have clown issues. Serious, serious clown issues. They make my skin crawl with their exaggerated mouths with leering false smiles and too many teeth and scary alcoholic noses…and…yeah. Pretty much all of it, really.

Yet I haven’t really bothered trying to overcome this phobia as it’s not a daily problem since you don’t often run into roving gangs of clowns accosting you on the street.

So, sure, there was a false sense of security right up until I was innocently having fun at Mardi Gras and found this flung my way:

When I saw this, I had an immediate PTSD flashback to being a kid and sneaking onto HBO latenight to watch Poltergeist I & II, neither of which helped one bit with these phobias.

The whole clown scene in the first movie was bad enough, but the entire second movie…that preacher dude is by far the creepiest villain with inadvertent clownface ever. I tried to find a video of him doing his little sing-song, but lucky for both of us I couldn’t find it. Here’s the trailer instead.:

Ironically, watching the youtube clips I found, I definately came to understand that Poltergeist II was a terrible movie, despite the fact that it seems to be burned in my brain.

No, actually, I realize that’s wrong- only Mr. BigTeethPreacherMolesterClown lives on* in my head, which will probably serve up a really nasty dream starring him tonight.

:::shiver::: Clowns. Those bastards.

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*whose backstory I still remember- he was a doomsday preacher who led his flock into a cave where they starved to death when the world inconveniently failed to end in a timely fashion. Sad, isn’t it?

Okay, not so much inappropriate as bizarre.

Multicolored musical notes and over sized wings aside, he does look pretty nervous, no? Like he suspects somebody’s about to pluck him unless he can manage to run away on his weird tiger stripped legs?

I only remembered about this guy when Chris sent me this video the other day:
(link here)

The guy coming in at 1:46 looks like he’s trying his damnedest to make the Chicken Dance, staple of weddings everywhere, look cool. And coming pretty close to succeeding, too.

(And on the off chance you’ve lived a sheltered life and haven’t been exposed to this attrocity, you can check it out here. )

I’ve been getting down to the end of the business stuff, and I found a big ol’ bag of inappropriate beads we’d collected but never actually showcased. Time to clear them out, so I’m going to start photographing the ones I hadn’t already done and putting them up online.

And aren’t these ladies a classy pair? I wonder if they’re meant to symbolize anything? They’re so subtle, it’s hard to say…

If I had to choose, though, I’d say goldie on the left is my favorite. Crime fighting hooker. Haven’t seen that one since:

YouTube Link here:

You know, I think the plastic bead girls could act just as well.

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Maybe we’ll even start having a contest to get rid of all these, because I found out I’m a wimp- I hate throwing them out to the crowd at Mardi Gras.

Alison was confused when she was 10 or 11 and caught a naked lady bead. I’ll never forget the look on her face as she held the stripper immortalized in plastic up for my inspection.

“Why did he think this would be a good bead for me, Mommy?”

Yikes. So I guess I’ll have to find another way of disposal. Let me know if anybody’s interested…

So I don’t usually do things like this, but I bought this goofy hat to put on the weiner.

He took it pretty well, really. He’s used to having shirts on when he’s cold, so I guess he figured he’d just go with the flow.

Sammy, however, wasn’t so excited about it.

And Bianca made her thoughts clear on the matter right off. We decided to skip her.

(No animals were harmed or even seriously annoyed by this silliness, which lasted less than 5 minutes, and now they’re safe for at least another year. )

Ah, the best of times, the worst of times: Mardi Gras.

Actually, that’s not really fair to Mardi Gras; my problem wasn’t with the holiday, it was me not being able to get out of my own head and just go with it. Try as I might, I couldn’t quite get off the misery merry-go-round* that I’ve been on since deciding to close the business.

Even so, the good outweighed the bad by a long shot, most importantly because Charlie’s oldest daughter came down for a few days and they got to hang out. It was a first, and she discovered that even the most dignified big-time New York designer will jump around for some Muses schwag:

Duty called, and Caitlin had to go home on Sunday, but she got to see a bunch of the big parades and hopefully she’ll be back with her sisters in tow in the next year or two, and then we’ll get to drag them along on a float, looking goofy with the rest of us:

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*my mental carousel horse goes up and it’s all “Wow, I get my house back, I’m going to write, yay!”, but then inevitably the horsey comes down and it becomes “failure failure failure.” Apologies to anyone who got to deal with my intermittent mopishness: blech.

So here we are again, the roses are blooming and I’m wondering how long it’ll last. Charlie keeps reminding me that our climate is just not kind to roses, but I’m gonna keep trying a little while longer. After all, banging my head on the wall is one of my favorite activities.

Anyway, here’s a new one, Mardi Gras. I was actually shopping for a replacement for Beloved (may she rest in peace) and decided I had to give this one a chance based on the name alone.

It’s really luminous, and so far a fast grower, so we’ll see how she fares.

Life in NOLA contains many wonderful things, but the roaches ain’t one of ‘em.

We’ve got great big 4 inch suckers that fly, and they’re out and about now. Trust me, you haven’t lived until the bug you’re approaching with a rolled up newspaper flies at your face and you run off screaming like a loon. Good times.

So what else is there to do but celebrate this lovely local problem with its own bead? I want to jump in the shower just looking at these. But clearly somebody put some thought into them- even the beads in between the roaches are…skeevy.

I haven’t had a kid kid at Mardi Gras in years- Alison’s worked the entirety of Carnival the last two years, so I haven’t seen her at all, even though she hardly qualifies as a kid anymore.

But the girls were excited to find out that we have a Costume Box- I think it’s mandatory that if you live in New Orleans, you have a place where all the odds and ends go so that the next time you have go make something out of nothing (you’d be surprised how often that is), you’ve got a base to start with.

Marisa glommed onto this hat- and it is quite the hat- and wore it to the parades. Alison stole it back briefly, and I sighed wistfully, thinking of when she wore it to try and catch the float riders’ eye and snag the best beads.

I had to look for evidence, and there it was.

2005:

2008:

Okay, here’s the deal, everybody.

I’m happy you’re coming to join us for the festivities. Really, really happy. We’re going to have fun, we’re going to eat too much, drink too much, laugh…well, I guess there’s no such thing as too much of that, but you get the idea.

However.

I am beyond exhausted and I have reached the following conclusion:

I am not going to clean. I am not going to organize. You are going to arrive into chaos. Boas, beads, masks, party supplies. Everywhere. Upon your arrival you may be handed my ATM card and directed toward the grocery store as there are currently only a bunch of Lean Cuisines, some milk and possibly some lowfat mayo in the fridge. *

See, it’s been a really great/awful/busy couple of weeks. Alison’s got a hundred thousand things going on. Charlie’s excited about starting a new book on top of everything else. Business is great- the best season so far- and I’m working on a whole other startup venture. I’ve been spending hours every day on the road with suppliers- and at every stop I pick up more beads and stuffed animals to throw on Mardi Gras Day, so we’re wonderfully well stocked.

But to do all of this I’ve run up a sleep deficit that rivals the national debt.

So. I have to choose between:1) Clean house, exhausted irritable zombie Tess and 2)Squalid house, relaxed, rested Tess

I think you’ll be happy I’ve decided to go with the latter. Just wanted you to be forewarned.

Can’t wait to see you- if you can find me under these piles of stuff, that is.

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*Oh, and Alison’s selections from WholeFoods. But if you eat those, she will kill you. I don’t advise it. She paid for them out of her own pocket and will protect them to the death.

I generally sort of roll my eyes at beads that feature breasts in their various forms. They’re often rather anime-ish- a sort of cartoon stripper taken unawares by her state.

But these. What to say about these? More than the item itself, I love the box. I give you “The Breast ball with I Love You Sound- Squeezable mimi<sic> ball:”

It’s a stress ball, basically. But the person who needs this added little tip is definately under far too much stress: Read the rest of this entry »